Category Archives: Struggles

The Number Game


So simple.

Yet so complex.

So easy.

Yet so hard.

Numbers. There were times in my life..when you were the BANE of my existence.

There are times when you continue to interfere with my daily, healthy, and happy life.

My questions.. are many. My answers.. are few, but enough. Why ?

The Scale


Why allow the numbers on the scale to determine the type of day we would have?

Why let the scale determine if it would be a restricting day.. a day of enjoyment?

Why are emotions so closely tied to those numbers.. on that scale?  Gaining.. losing.. who cares?  Healthy. That is what matters.

Calories & Fitness


Why is it necessary to obsessively count the number of calories consumed.  To obsessively read the nutritional information on the side of a box.  And why not look at the mish-mash of chemical ingredients.. artifical flavors. WHY just look at the calories and fat content?

Why does the number of minutes that a workout lasts… make such a difference?

Why does the pace of each mile.. matter?  Isn’t the point of it all.. to just be out there… and active?

Why does the bar graph on the Polar F7 .. so addictive?  Why must the “calories burned” bar.. be in the same range.. every single week?

Why do runs have to be consistently longer.. faster.. ?

Why must I consistently be checking my heart rate to make sure it is high – so as to burn the maximum amount of calories?



Why is it the size on the tag that seems to matter – so much more then the fit of the pant – or the shirt – or the dress?

Why do we allow a “larger” size to diminsh moods and self respect (when commonly, the clothing manufacturers treat their sizing different from any other manufacturer.)?

Why do we – at times – refuse to buy a beautiful piece of clothing because it is in a size larger then we are used to getting?

Why do we get a burning feeling of disappointent and let down when our “skinny pants” no longer fit us?

Why do we even have “skinny pants”?

Does the number on the scale define who we are as a person? How about the distance we run – the calories we burn – or the rate of at which our heart is beating?  Do those (insignificant) facets  radiate our true personalities?  Does our clothing size compromise our intelligence or our ability to care for others?

No. No. No. Numbers – they do none of these things. Numbers – have a funny was of crawling into our lives – and planting themslves right in the middle of our brain. Interfering with our daily activities – often consuming our thoughts.

But – the only person who is dealing with these thoughts .. often times negative.. is the THINKER.  No one else know the number that came up on the scale – or how many calories you’ve eaten today.  The person on the other side of the street could care less how far you ran today – what your splits were – your average heart rate.. the number of calories you burned.

No – other people – they see you for who you are and what you stand for.  They see your passion about life – your energy – your glow – your loving and kind attitude.

So – how can we start to see ourselves in the same light that others see us?  Well – I don’t know for sure – but here are some of the steps that I am taking – to help get myself away from the numbers – to help accept myself for who I am – rather then through a set of numbers…

  1. Limit weigh ins.  In my ideal world – I would not even own a scale. Maybe someday – I will get to that. But I was tired of weighing myself.. and then hating myself. There was no reason for it. ALL of my clothes still fit just fine.  There are SO many things that effect our weight daily.  It is NOT the number on the scale that defines me. It is how I feel.
  2. Eat wholesome foods – with proper nutrients. Forget the 100 calorie packs. I have found that those things are chock full of.. crap. Even if they are only 100 calories. I try to limit my processed foods.. and stick to whole foods. I feel good about what I am eating.. and my body feels good too!
  3. Ditch the heart rate monitors. I am slowly.. but surely.. working out HRM free more and more. I do like to wear it occasionally.. but I am no longer obsessed. I used to stay at the gym until I burned a certain amount of calories.  That was just ridiculous!  I am now more intune with my body. I stop when it say.. I’ve had enough. I work out for enjoyment.. not to reach a certain number.
  4. Get rid of clothes that are too small (and too big).  No need to have skinny jeans.. or pants for fat days.. or incase you gain weight. Keep the clothes that fit. Be happy with who you are.. what you are.. and don’t keep the clothes as a reminder of who you were.. or as a goal of where you would like to be.
  5. Tell yourself.. that you LOVE YOURSELF.. every single day.. while looking in the mirror. AND MEAN IT!  Without self love – we have nothing. Without self love – it is hard to let others love us – to believe in what they say – to accept their compliments.
Have you ever been driven by the numbers.. in any aspect of life?  Which aspect?  How did you move past it.. or how do you currently deal with it?


Sick Day

Well, turns out.. I wasn’t drained of energy ONLY because of my long run Saturday – with improper post run fueling.

Turns out – I was/am actually sick!

Last night was a doozy. I napped for two hours (btw.. I never nap)…and legitimately had ZERO energy.. all  day long.

This little guy right here.. proved to me that I did indeed have a fever.

This fever was accompanied by lovely body aches. And a strange shot of pain that kept radiating through the right side of my head only.

Even with the 2 hour nap.. I was passed out at about 9:30 (yes… I was so tired I didn’t even watch ALL of Next Food Network Star.. thank goodness for DVR)…

I had some slight panic attacks for a number of reasons:

Scarlet Fever has made its way around my classroom.  I worried I was getting strep.


I had no sub plans prepared since there are only 10 days of school left. I kind of planned on being there every day.

If I woke up with a fever and/or a sore throat/shooting pains in head/body aches.. I would not be making it in to school.

Still had no sub plans.


THANKFULLY… I received a text from my collegue as I lay in bed with this myriad of anxieties filing through my heavy head… she had an extra set of sub plans and she would send them to my room if I could not make it in.

Ahh. Sigh of relief. I went to bed.. hoping for the best.

I woke up at 4:45 ( before my alarm). Sweating. With the air conditioner on. Hmm. The room was definitely chilly. The thermometor told me I still had a fever. So I called my principal, texted my collegue.. and dozed back off.. sleeping all the way until 8:00.

So – what does one do on a sick day.. when it is a chore to get out of bed?!

Well.. the don’t take a whole lot of pictures.. thats for sure. It really wasn’t the first thing on my mind.

But – I can show you some of what I did:

Blogging, updating, scanning in old photos./Reading Blogs & Catching up on Blogger Weekends..

Whats that?! You want to catch up on my weekend?!  No problem.. this weekend:

Eating the lunch I had prepared for school throughout the day…


And well.. that about sums it up.

I am feeling better for the most part (besides the pain in my head.. which is quite a nuisance.. and painful.. and is not alleviated through tylenol or ibuprofen..).  My aches are gone. my temperature is almost back to normal..

Now, I am off to rest some more.. because I am fo sho going back to work tomorrow!

What do you do when you are sick.. and at home.. alone?

The Boobie Bake Sale is in FULL swing.  So click.. and GO!

I am trying this whole STICKY post thing.. so it should be the first thing you see when you come to my page.

Check out the high bidders for each item by clicking here.. or clicking the tab labeled “High Bids” in the upper right and corner!

There are some PHENOMENAL items up for grabs.. so swing by, check it out.. and then email me your bids!!

Lesson Learned…

Good morning!!  I am feeling kind of BLAH this morning.. and have been feeling this way since yesterday.

I know exactly why too.  And I have learned a MAJOR lesson.  As you know – after long runs, I tend to have a stomach that does not really want good.  So – yesterday I had a banana and PB before my run .. and then could not stomach my oats once I got home.

Well, stomach.. you aren’t really going to be able to make decisions like that anymore.. because not eating my breakfast when I got home REALLY messed up my day – my energy levels.. etc.

Running long distances takes a lot of energy – a lot of fuel.  So it only makes logical sense, that one should refuel once the run is completed.. within a short amount of time after the run is complete.. even if your tummy tells you NO.

Since I listened to my stomach.. I didn’t eat breakfast until 11:30am.. meaning I didn’t eat lunch until 3:30 pm.. meaning my meals were just WAY off!  I felt okay.. until we were on the way to see Hangover 2 last night ( more on that shortly).. and I seriously just wanted sleep. I had eaten my “lunch” and a few snacks .. and knew I needed more.. but I was just feeling so awful.  I am fairly certain that this is a result of improper post run fueling.

When we returned home last night at about 10:00 – I had a headache, my body felt exhausted… and it just was NOT cool.  I slept straight through the night.. and am still not feeling quite normal.

Rest day today?! YOU KNOW IT!

So – since I am building up my miles – I have learned a valuable lesson about fueling and refueling.. and I can guarantee you I will NEVER make that mistake again…


Rewinding to yesterday.. funny, but scary story. On the way up from the pool, Justin and I saw some fire engines, police cars.. crowds of people.. huddling around the building across from ours.  We walked over the take a look and saw..

Mm. Yeah. That car.. was into the building. Jumped the curb, through the bushes.. BAM… into the building.

Fortunately, the woman who was driving only broke her nose and she is going to be okay.  We are assuming she his the gas instead of the break.. had the car in drive instead of reverse.. who knows?

I am quite used to having cars hit buildings.  In the town where I grew up, there is a large elderly community and having cars go into Dunkin Donuts, Food Stands, Conviennce Stores, Banks.. was not irregularity. It is super scary through, when you think about it.  There have been instances where a person ended up being hit… and their lives changed forever.

Now – I have no quarrels with the elderly driving – as long as they are still with it – but I do kind of agree with implementing some sort of testing for drivers over a certain age.  The driving abilities of a person in their 30s or 40s.. probably differs GREATLY than those of someone in their 80s or 90s..

After watching the fire department pull the car out of the bushes.. I had my late lunch:

Turkey Sandwich, Cucumber Slices, & Cottage cheese with apples and peanut butter..

And Justin and I eventually left for the movies..


The movie was definitely funny.. had the same storyline as the original Hangover. but to my surprise, I stayed up through the entire thing and was laughing the whole way through.  It didn’t seem too long.. or dragged out.  Which I loved. I often find myself waiting for movies to end..

Onto the BEST part of the night. Mmhmm.. Thats right, my FIRST ever trip to PINKBERRY!

I think I am in love.  I decided to go with original fro yo – (I plan on being a frequent customer.. so I will be sure to try out everything else!)  Laura suggested giving watermelon a whirl.. and I love next time I am totally on that.  For tonight,I was in the mood for a classic combo.

My toppings were blueberries, strawberries, and dark chocolate crispy things! Justin had original.. just with chocolate chips. LOTS of chocolate chips!

It was packed… even though the temps were a little low.  The store itself was smaller then I expected.. having only 4 small tables, but Justin and I were able to grab one and enjoy.

Pinkberry, I am SO glad I have met you. We are going to get along VERY well this summer (especially since you are on my way home from work..)

Today, I’ve had my oat bran – – with strawberries and PB …

And Justin and I are off to the store in a little bit.  And for the rest of the day.. well, I am doing NOTHING. Probably some blog prep.. some sleeping.. trying to get back to being myself again.

Sorry bootcamp – you just aren’t happening today!